What does it mean to hold space?
Since opening our space in spring this year, we’ve used it to for a variety of purposes - from a weekly free breathwork session for our local community, to bringing activists and freelancers from across the country to connect more deeply with themselves and others, to gathering a beautiful group of LGBTQIA+ people to get creative together, and now as a pop-up space for our local Zero Waste shop in the build-up to Christmas.
When we embarked on opening up the space, we actually initially intended it’s primary use to be for team away days for the clients we work with, but, while that intention comes to full fruition, we wanted to make sure a wider community was freely and actively benefiting from the space. We wanted to share some learnings from our journey that might help others to hold space - either in a physical sense or a relational sense - for those within their community or network.
Design with intention
In the early days we had very conflicting desires around at what point our space could be considered as ‘open’ and ‘ready’. I wanted to open up before we even had seating so that people could get into the mess with us and contribute to the journey, whereas Nick wanted to ensure finer details such as supportive cushions and a good selection of books were available. Both of our desires came from a place that reflected our intentions and values - I wanted to make sure our community saw themselves reflected in the space, and Nick wanted to make sure people felt safe, comfortable and at ease. In reality, we ended up somewhere in the middle of both those desires which worked perfectly for how we designed the space and how we built our community - and we did a few important things to help us ensure the spaces we hold reflect both of our intentions and values:
We ran a community mapping exercise where we explored the type of feelings we wanted to evoke for different people. This ensured when Nick was thinking of the physical design of the space he was bearing different groups in mind, and it meant when I was welcoming people to the space I could host them in a way that evoked those experiences.
We invite certain members of our network back to the space regularly - they give us feedback and ideas as they watch our vision manifest over time.
We develop ‘shared containers’ with groups that enter the space - asking everyone things that they are mindful of or would value.
Give options for how people engage
The physical space was fairly hard to design for because the room is split into two distinct parts. However, as a result, the back-space offers cosier seating and the front-space has a big table for meals and creative activities. As a result, the space has actually lent itself to the way I like to facilitate groups - offering people options that reflect their energies and enabling individuals to choose to take themselves away from the larger activities. Nick also had the great idea of introducing a beautiful Nook that has been used regularly during some of our busier events for people to have smaller 1-2-1 chats, or generally just hide away from the noise.
Aside from the flexibility of the space itself we also think hard about how we host people with flexibility in mind - here are some of the things we’ve learnt:
Having a host or facilitator is really important to enable people to move and speak at their own pace while also ensuring there is clear flow that draws people together.
At the start of breathwork sessions, Nick always check-ins with new people to find out what their level of experience is or how they are feeling physically and will provide different levels of insight or guidance / variations on exercises for people to choose from as they participate.
Provide different ways for people to communicate - we love offering drawing or creative exercises with the groups we host because it allows people to contribute and connect without needing to verbalise their thoughts.
There are some people that engage with us and our spaces consistently, and others who only join once. It’s important to be aware of when someone disappears in case there was something missing for them in how you held the space, and in particular if they are someone who comes from a life experience to those who dominate the space there might be some accessibility or inclusion issues to confront.
It’s also important to keep investing in your consistent supporters and ensuring they bring a diversity of experiences and ideas as they will become people who can hold space with you and respond to issues you may not have experience or capacity for.
Respond to different needs with love and care
I’ve really love hosting our breathing weeks where people stay for a couple of nights and participate in communal eating as well as other activities. I love to nourish people with food and I delight in being able to demonstrate to people that I care when I listen to their dietary needs. Whether it’s popping up with snacks on walks for those who might need a boost, or thinking about ways of ensuring someone who is gluten intolerant or vegan feels understood and safe to enjoy the food on offer.
All too often, I’ve seen people host or facilitate spaces in ways that treat people with unique needs as a burden or an inconvenience. Seeing it as an opportunity to show deep compassion and understanding has transformed the way I facilitate and host, and the experiences the groups I work with have as a result. I absolutely loved it when a few participants of our recent gathering felt safe enough to nap in one half of the space while others socialised.
Here are some things we’ve tried to adopt to ensure needs are met with love and care:
Deeply understand that the person who vocalises a need likely has to do so most days and in most spaces because our society is not designed to cater for diversity. They are likely exhausted and nervous about articulating their needs - working with them in an affirming way to find out how you can best service those needs goes a long way to forming a trusting relationship.
Where relevant, vocalise the need anonymously on behalf of the person in communal spaces. If someone mentions they have a peanut allergy - don’t make them have to repeat that to everyone - simply acknowledge with the group that it’s important noone brings food with peanuts into the shared space. Or if someone is worried about being misgendered, introduce a simple reminder during group activities to ask everyone to reshare their pronouns.
Don’t shame people for owning their needs. In fact, actively encourage it. When I open sessions I often remind people that I encourage people to self-manage - if they need space due to overwhelm then take that space, if they need to pop out of regular toilet breaks or to check-in with a family member who needs them then do so. All too often we are told to park our needs in the name of productivity or to wait for others to make space for them - individuals owning their needs is good for the collective experience.
Know how to close the space
One thing I really underestimated with having a physical space (particularly underneath your home!) is that it’s really hard for it to be used continuously by others. We are loving having Skopa occupying the space for the whole of November and December because it brings a lot of energy to the space without us having to be on hand the whole time, but it also requires us to reshape our lives a little.
I’ve also found as a facilitator that there can sometimes be conversations or worries that bleed into your life outside of that space in an unhealthy way, and this can be the same for participants if they’ve raised something big as part of the space.
I’m still practising how to close spaces in a way that protects all of our energies and I’ve still got lots to learn but here are just a few things I implement or want to experiment with:
At the end of a session or gathering ask people to reflect on one thing they are taking away and one thing they are leaving behind
As a space holder, write down some of the things you learnt / enjoyed / want to follow up on - I always forget to do this and end up with missed opportunities or far too many threads in my brain.
I’d love to hear more ideas from our community around how to hold space for others. And we’d also love to experiment with hosting different types of people for different types of gathering so please get in touch if you’d like to use our physical space or want our support with facilitation.
